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today's msp was the best session. i did three hours of msp, without actually doing much, just purely acting like some kid, entertaining people, making them distracted and things like that. right, i felt quite dumb and seriously nothing could get in, so might as well get some entertainment from entertaining two lonely souls :) vectors kill. we were talking about super random stuff, from mr bean shows to red bean soup and plans for last day of our papers! minds cafe, yes! :D im getting excited. i miss playing charades actually, though i think i did quite a few rounds of charades today. but seriously i didnt study much, and i was really tired. maybe i got enlightened and decide to do something else about the screwed up life, that's why the mood was lightened! :) i'm really glad. havent actually laughed so much over stupid things for the longest time. after msp, had sudden impulse to get some icecream, especially redbean! but the nearly candy shop closed down and was replaced by some hairdresser (which i think might close down sooner or later). so hoho and i just settled with macs fiftycent icecream cos i was running broke. well well, pp macs just brings back lots of memories. i re-did the scene for hoho to laugh at me and i was damn hurt. free entertainment, and all i got was "go away!". fine, i'll just offer my services to kailing instead then! :D dont know how come a fiftycent icecream lasted so for so long, left macs six mins past six, and it was six mins later than the targetted time! following some marine army advert; if my life is a movie, i think it'll be more exciting than the guy featured in the advert. hoho's will be less exciting, haven't thought of how kailing's will be. probably more tiring than exciting cos walking home everyday kills! friends like them drains my energy! but they were kind enough to laugh at me, and accompany me for msp, giving me this satisfaction at the end of the day. a student's life rocks. Signed, 9:52 p.m.
should i start counting my blessings? or count my misfortunates instead? i guess there's a reason why when we look back on the past, we'll only remember the good memories and not the bad. nobody loves remembering bad memories, only good memories. so are my memories good or bad? i lost my soul today. i couldn't exactly be bothered to annoy hoho, and like what hoho said, i even praised her today! she said it was rare, and i thought so too. i was in the lost mood, i didn't know what i was doing, what the lecturer was talking about and everything that was going on. i felt so oblivious of everything. but like the saying goes, ignorance is a bliss. i wanna go back to those blur days, where times were so innocent and things were done purely because we enjoy it. now, it feels like a responsibility. but it's alright, i am enlightened. i realised that, though it's affecting me a lot, there are other things that i really wanna do, and it's something that i sacrificed last time. now, i want it back. and i'm sacrificing you for all the treatment i received, it's my choice. i've been stabbed strongly through the bleeding heart, there's no turning back. it's not just once, but twice, or more. it hurts. painfully hurts. i hate the way things are now, though i know it's impossible for me to change the situation. not that i've never tried before, but you can't clap with just one hand. i want to be stronger, i want to be what i am capable of. life is beautiful. Signed, 9:26 p.m.
just when i thought that pressing on and persevering would be good for me, i saw the otherwise. i wanted to give them up, but i held back. and now, they chose to give me up, and there's no other options other than to accept it. why the condemn? why the difference? are we not in this together? maybe it's not we anymore. it's just you and the rest, where the sound of the name annoys you so much that such opinions were made. i've totally lost it and who knows what exactly is happening? i need an explanation, a valid one. totally drained. many things have happened and it has to be this period. why? does everyone experience the same thing as well? i doubt so. what is my concern now? happy birthday to wanling, junjie and kevin! the twentyfifth feb babies! go away from me. Signed, 11:29 p.m.
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on Earth. it's finally the end of cny holidays. although there's this pressing econs test tmr, there isn't much study mood to be in. i'm still expecting guests, my grandma and uncle's family to be precise, and it feels like waiting for a circle to end. never ending. perhaps life is like a circle. what goes around comes around. this is part of an email sent by kailing that enlightened me. i must learn to love econs. i hope kailing teaches me how to. haha :) after reading hoho's blog, i was kinda enlightened (too!) to talk about my first trip to minds cafe! well, one word to describe that place: cool! it's located at quite an ulu place, like i had to walk for some distance from ps to there, and it was terribly hot too! in any case, i paid five fifty (inclusive of service charge and other indirect taxes :p i think) to get tummyaches, full bladder and lots of laughters! :D somehow i'm just really bad at pictionary, and i seriously can't draw for nuts. well, we always lose when it's my turn to draw, sorry to yishiuan who always get me as her partner :( but i guess, charades is my kind of thing. hoho says i'm the queen and i guess it's really so. i think the winning odds are rather high on my side. hooray to us! :D and that's how my eve of eve of cny was spent, other than scouting for clothes and apparels for cny. it was fruitful and money and time was good spent. okay, but mom said i wasted time playing game when i could have gone scouting first before meeting her. what crapp but never mind. life has been as screwed up as before. it's gonna be back to screwed up life again! oh hooray, how great can it be. my valentine's day would have been perfect if there wasn't this breakdown in communication and and if there wasn't this big jam towards town. bleah, but mudpie filled up the hole! and my dear :) how could i have done without you :) Signed, 8:59 p.m.
it's so chinese. everywhere's just plays non-stop chinese chinese new year songs, and some are actually quite annoying. like those where they got children to sing those really old, antique chinese oldies; super annoying. fourteenth was awesome. to my great surprise, band prac on valentine's day ended really early cos mr glosz had a dinner date with his wife at 6.30pm. so hooray! but probably the only bad thing was that there was a jam towards town, so dinner date was at holland v instead. but it was still good! we had vietnam food and mudpie from coffeclub! the mudpie was awesome, and it's good recommendation! :D i'm glad the dessert ended the dinner really well. a pity that the photos i took was only of the mudpie, no humanbeings at all :( but there'll be more mudpie dates! :D i'm thankful i've a date for valentine's. thanks dear! :D chinese new year's eve was spent doing last min clothing shopping. how unfortunate. couldnt get into the shopping mood, but luckily i lowered my expectations, and managed to finish shopping by dinner time. steamboat dinner was just overwhelming. it's seriously eat non-stop, and to think that i'm still going on a diet. i can forget about it already. with all the delicious bakwa and rochers (!!), omg seriously, forget about dieting man! cny is just so tiring. call it a holiday when there are just too many things to do! oh well. tiring holiday. Signed, 9:02 p.m.
i've kicked away the old habit. i made new resolutions although it's not new year. i've cleared my brain of the nonsense i had. and i'm still trying to spring clean my house, but to no avail. whole weekend dedicated to gp, meaning general paper and not other things. how annoying, and i havent really touched it though it's being dedicated to. i'm very sad now cos i havent gotten my lovely pencil case yet! :( i was at market place (is it?) at raffles city, then i got quite excited cos i saw the food version of the pencil case i want! so exciting. i cannot wait to buy one so that i can show off to the world. okay, i can already sense people laughing at me again. oh well. i've gave up on what i used to hold and decided to move on to a better life. thinking about spending vday practising for cny perf kinda turns people off. it'll be such a chinese vday in fact, how exciting can chinese vday be man. the next three days are gonna be crucial. it's really gp packed with gp aq question by tues, and gp essay and project by weds. crapppp. and im not done with cny shopping. maybe i'll go dig into my cupboard to see if there's any unused pieces around. hurr. i want my pencil case! :( Signed, 1:41 p.m.
what happens if what you see ahead is just darkness with a faint ray of light? what happens if you walk towards it and what happens if you dont? after so many things have happened, i can no longer differentiate the truths and lies. it seems like i'm making my own nonsense, courting my own doom, putting my foot right into dung and behaving like some weak retarded idiot. nobody loses anything if i'll ever walk out on them, because it's overcrowding. there's no space to walk, to sit, to talk, to be happy. i hate my life now, knowing that i'll not get anywhere. when i feel like studying, there's always procrastination that's pulling me back. when i feel like making music, there are always expectations that seem to make me feel scared and afraid. i remember the times when we were preparing abrams pursuit. sometimes it felt so annoying to go through the same passage over and over again, sometimes it felt so tiring to play at the horribly fast passage over and over again. but the motivation to do well is there, and it's all because we wanted that gold. we did not know much about music excellence, we did not know much about what it means to attain a gold. but we knew we had to enjoy what we were playing, to give the best that we have. if falling down can make you stronger, then just give it a try. i realised that expectations will really bring greater disappointment, and it's time to stop. no more pressure on my little bandits, i promise. it's a greater torture if i got to know of so many things that i can no longer keep. it's building up and it's going to explode someday. when can i ever stop being so nosey and disturbing? i need a way to revive a killed desire. it's hard to find someone who understands the shitty crappy annoying things that are going on. all i'm praying is to stay happy, but it's not just a rocky road, it's a road full of obstacles. "It gets you high. It’s worth looking forward to. It gets stuck in your head. =) that’s music. It means many different things to many different people. To a listener, a song is sometimes for four simple minutes of entertainment, but to a performer it’s passion, love and soul. To be responsible, to have courage, to persevere, to learn, to love, to dare to strive, to work with others, to be yourself is to step foot in music making. Music is life, and life is music. Believe me, i felt it." i felt that way when i saw hope. but when i lost the hope that i have, i can no longer feel that way. to me, i'm a no better than an extra. to everyone else, i'm a great disappointment. i can sense that my sec two days are coming back, where i lay myself in the hands of fate, to find at the end of the day, that i'm achieving fourty percent and worse. i really need you to be beside me, and fourteenth is what i cannot wait. Signed, 9:48 p.m.
quote fungyin, everything's happening too fast, too fast to believe that it's true. sometimes reality isn't reality, sometimes dreams is more than just dreams. today for chapel, they talked about stress, and a suggested way to relieve stress is to switch off your handphone. maybe it's not scientifically proven, but it sounds really right. my phone is just a super big distraction to me, i wish i can throw it away. but however much i want to place it far far away, it cannot be taken out of my life. and im still planning to get a new phone. how ironic. so anyway, i tried to turn off my phone, but damn alright, the "turn off" could only last for one hour or so. but i think it made a bit of difference, maybe i was secretly less stressed for that hour. i've learn many things, and i've learnt to be stronger, to handle all that's coming, to make people around me happier. the next thing that i'm looking forward to now is the gift making session. and probably high tea with xy square and high class kopi with dor and chocolate buffet with kailing, cos we're still waiting for that someday to come. Signed, 9:30 p.m.
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weirui. eighteen to be. diaryland misc. 06; march. april. may. june. july. august. september. october. november. december. 07; january. february. march. april. may. june. july. august. |