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a disjointed line, that's what i saw. perhaps it's no longer the way it used to be, because no one is still the same as before. i was so stressed up, that i felt like i was gonna be sick. it's the first time i could feel that i'm gonna be sick. there was this feeling, intuition. felt feverish the whole day in school, then came home from dinner with a flu. everything just fell in place so nicely that, it was like an omen. the ripples will never stop. it's piling up like nobody's business. how irritating sometimes when while you're focusing on one issue, another pops up. life is a bed of thorny roses. Signed, 1:03 a.m.
today's lunch was good. as usual, at crystal jade, with our tai-tais at work, eating their hearts out with their eighteen dollar dish. it was finally a proper section lunch, but without jerrald. poor augustine had to endure our nonsense and madness by himself, silently. but i'm sure he enjoyed our company :D it's getting closer and closer to the disgusting band camp. i'll just pray that we weren't be tired out from the busy schedule and disgusting worms wont come creeping into the room. how i wish i'm a dsa student! then i won't have to stayover. okay, wrong thinking. scband camp is starting tomorrow. i'm quite disappointed that i can't join them because last year's for me was a total wrong situation to be in. to choose between band chalet and scband camp, it was like a damn tough decision and i wished i had the power to split myself into two. not that i'm badly needed in both areas, but thankfully i can go for the bbq and still turn up at scband camp, without failing to keep my deal with peace :) i'm glad after all. Signed, 9:59 p.m.
i'm quitting. i'm quitting being a slacker, i'm quitting being a dumb, i'm quitting being a coward. face physics with more attitude, more courage. i hope i find a good tutor. i finally understood how things were more than a year ago. like year two thousand and five was a damn hectic year, with so many things happened. my memory of a certain day was totally refreshed and i remember sleeping at five, waking up at six because there was still school. i remember i was dead tired from the conversation. i totally understand how you felt, just that the senario is totally different now. it's such a miracle for me to wake up this early. totally disturbed by the fiddling and movement, i woke up, watched telly, scanned through whatever that's showing on telly, and still too early for school. i really don't know what to say. Signed, 9:54 a.m.
i knew we didn't perform up to standard, but is it really that bad till we deserve all that comments? they say we don't deserve chances, but why don't we deserve the chance at all? i guess what we've to go through is, a lot of tribulations and obstacles. part and parcel of life, that's what we're all living for. for constant improvements. i believe setbacks won't get us down. all the way! on a heavier note, disgusting band camp is coming. i don't detest it, but the thought about staying over in meeleeeepit filled school turns me off. who knows when meeleeeepits are gonna squeeze themselves into the band room and invade our property! eww. practices are hectic, and something like flag raising and flag lowering ceremonies are gonna be held every morning and evening, with national anthem and some sunset song. oh gosh, i cannot wait for nineth to come quickly. and i missed going with jo to the spiderweb playground. damn it. Signed, 1:20 p.m.
i caught a flu bug and i swallowed it. having band tune in with an itchy, runny nose is not good. i felt like rudolph, and it was so tough to play games. anyways, hooray to group five though we didn't win any of the big prizes. and get lost bitch, for firstly insulting me, then my section, then the whole band. we were impressed with your good skills and techniques, but your attitude turned us off. please don't let me see you again. go get yourself into a good school where they're willing to tolerate your big nonsense. today i felt the bond between us was stronger, and i got happier. i believe we can even bring this to a higher level! :D go percussion! :D Signed, 12:04 p.m.
many things come and go so quickly, it's like you don't even have time to realised that mistakes were made. but after one year, nearly two years, i realised i made the greatest mistake in my life. i want to shout out loud against those false accusation. why do i always have my close friends hearing things about me? why am i always the after dinner topic? my life remains complete without you. stop thinking the whole world's after your partner. get a life. what's with you and all that questions for me and yet you can't pick up your own courage to ask me about them? i'm not gonna keep the fact and the truth away from reality. i'm only speaking of what i think you need to know. i started swearing and cursing ever since you starting polluting the minds of my friends. please just continue to indulge in your own world of fantasies and leave me alone. i'm not interested in entering your world of lovey dovies and please don't include my share into your every little thing. if there's anything i do not want as presents, i think it's soft toys. they may be cuddly, huggable, soft or whatever, i'm beginning to detest the presence of them. i am becoming mean, and i will if you push me further. Signed, 3:44 p.m.
if anything can describe what i feel now, i think it's angry. but if i were to hate you, i realised you'll stay in memories forever. take it as, i befriend a wrong person, i wish i never trusted you. over and over again, i played the role of a fool, getting played around your fingers. if i am dumb, then you're the biggest mistake in my life. hate is too light a word to use on you, since i played the role too many times. Signed, 10:25 p.m.
i wished i had taken a photo with the man i've seen for the past eleven years of my life. i know he recognizes every single student that buys his meepok regularly because he is one man who grew with scgs. but i'm so damn proud to say, i've tasted the best meepok ever, for the past eleven years of my life. rest in peace, meepok ahchek. we're all hanging onto something which is so fragile. that's life. however, looking at little babies, like baby ethan (again), it makes me think that these babies bring more smiles, each time they're brought to this world. many lives are lost everyday, but many lives are also created each day. i guess, those who are gone, they'll be placed deep down in our hearts, forever because we will always remember them for their contributions and commitments. we all love the meepok ahchek. Signed, 11:07 p.m.
i don't know if i should tell the whole world what i did, erm, yesterday. i just made a fool of myself, but it had a postive effect after all. i'm so glad. i hope jasmine going back to scband this often won't make people get sick of her or something. i made two blunders yesterday. it made me so embarrassed that i could feel that i was going red, and so embarrassed that i felt like i wanted to be an ostrich. i bet i was the comedy. i made people laugh so much until i had feedback that drills was enjoyable. though i'm always making a fool out of myself, i'm quite glad that i cracked those tough nuts whom i used to think that they really hate me. i'm really happy. the joy i get is like, when you see your baby grow up to be a wise man; when you see that you've got an A in your toughest paper. i'm willing to be a comedy if it makes people happy. i guess the most suitable job on earth for me, is to be a joke. but noo, i still wanna stick to my dream profession. second blunder was like another comedy. whacking of bass drum, led to the flying of sticks. like woohoo! and my precious juniors just couldn't stop laughing and we had to stop the whole drum solo practice. bleah. i guess my part time job is to make people laugh (at me). but hey, i'm still quite glad because that will kinda relieve the hatred from the shoutings i gave them. i didn't exactly scold them, but had to raise my voice a little to the shouting mode because i couldn't even hear myself! at least they wouldn't blame for making them come earlier or stay back later for extra sectionals :D just like miss tang, i'm looking forward to friday! but not the same reason as her. ; 1.13pm i suddenly realised that i haven't visited ethan's blog for so long to refresh on how he looks like now! boy, he grew so big until i couldn't recognise him from before! but still, so kawaii. babies are just the cutest things on earth. nothing beats their innocence and small figure! gosh, and we were supposed to go his current hometown to visit him! zzz all thanks to mr jeow, we're still not granted the chance, i can't wait.  this is mr ethan, with courtesy of his blog :) omg, he's so adorable! :) Signed, 1:09 a.m.
i'm such a studious kid. i got all my holiday planned out for studying, and i'm going to finish all my homework before band camp! studying for block test would come after band camp. yay! so now i officially declare, i'm going not going to china anymore during the band camp days. so i'm going to turn up and watch the schools fight their hearts out, though there's claims that they're on good terms. blablah. so combine band camp coming up! like, not yay. kinda dislike the fact that everyday i'll have to start training arm muscles, and start building up ugly muscles. eww. all thanks to ganesh, the one the jooyeow claimed that he's a cow. i'll try my best, don't wanna end up breaking an arm because i play with dumb bells everyday. and no, i haven't started training yet. on the other hand, i very much want to dedicate my holidays to help the place i love. after going back so many times, i realised i actually probably accumulated like two months worth of times. going back, makes me feel like i was going home, as always. but i hope they won't find me a bore when i go back, since i go back so often. lalala, party at mr koh's place was great. it was packed with laughter when we played games like heart attack and erm untitled. okay so i got suaned too, by some london bridge comment. blablah. i think i need action packed events in my life. i'm training too much of my abs. go ahead, laugh at me. Signed, 2:19 p.m.
the long tedious journey, is finally over. all that hassle, all that hardwork, all the efforts put into reducing word count, i wouldn't say it's paid off, but i need to let out a sign of relief. i hate it, when all i needed is to hear from you but i get nothing; when i have to hint to you every intentions of mine; when i have to start thinking again; when i cannot make up my mind; when i let my heart control my mind. stop rambling. i've lost it to someone else and he has it. the new love of my life; i found him. i need to stop using my brain juice and cells, and whatever there is in my brain. and i think i need a job too! Signed, 9:57 p.m.
after the tiresome and annoying battle with i&r report, i've finally finished fourth draft and mailed it to him. there was this persistent person who kept scolding me, asking me to sleep, but i just couldn't leave the report undone. then i started thinking again. not thinking about points for i&r, but thinking about why i've been thinking so much for the past few days, and yet i can't come up with ideas for the report. another person just shoo-ed me to sleep. i think i need a feast. probably allow me to grow some fats, then go on slimming plans to please myself. i think i am sadistic. i think i no longer make sense. ; 5.51pm i finished fourth and fifth draft within twelve hours. but he's not gonna look through them anymore. i am screwed because both drafts are totally new from before, i'm so not gonna score for this portion. i'm so not. it's gonna be over in less than twentyfour hours time. it's gonna be a great relief. but i feel so uneasy with my cue cards undone, my i&r report so messed up. okay, i'm so stressed up now. help. Signed, 2:27 a.m.
after haggling with my ownself, i'm finally done with i&r report. it is now, that i realised five hundred word limit is simply too little. i cut down from five points, to two points, and still exceeding. i wish pw quickly zoom past, and stop squeezing my brain dry. hooray to the light showers! :) Signed, 4:29 p.m.
going back just to collect i&r report was one of the dumbest thing i could ever do. but i thought i could make use of the chance, and go for a little self prac. but i was too attracted to the telly which made me leave my house late and got to school late. i'm sure to be blamed for my bad eyesight. i think he's the best thing that's gonna happen to the class. he was still so funny (and slack), and he gave us a lift to the station. at the end of the day, i know i'll miss his presence and the funny actions. lunch was at thai express. i think i'll never go there again until i manage to increase the capacity of my chilli intake! but i doubt i'll ever, just for one reason; i don't dare. i lost my soul today. i couldn't understand why, and till now, i still don't. i know i started out with intentions of spending all that i can, but today was just like any other day. i didn't spend exceptionally much, but i really wanted to. i needed to get those things off me with the money i have. i think dull mood comes with huge appetite. i wished i could eat up all the yummy food that i saw earlier, like those candies at candy empire and bread papa! i need to stop thinking deeply. stop making myself deep in thoughts. Signed, 11:29 a.m.
i was talking to jo, then i realised how much i've lost in just one year. not only did i lose, but the gain was not negligeable. we began at three, ended near seven with a short break. it was long, full of deep thinking conversation. i realised i'll miss her terribly when she goes overseas. though with there's still messenger, i know i'll still tear when i send her off in feb. i know i will. i started recalling the time when i was excited about having juniors for the first time in my life. it was like having little sisters who could bring more joy to the already happening percussion section. thinking back, i realised i've never grown up at all. i'm still as childish and immature as before. but she said i was just child like. perhaps she's wrong. i know i have not grown up at all. i get excited by little things, like going for lunch, going to playground. at the end of the day, i'll embarrass myself again. just like i did, the other day at the playground. i wonder when this child disappear. perhaps i've to be like this for life. i guess, i wouldn't mind because this is the one who allows people to laugh at. if there isn't this kid, i guess no one is allowed to laugh at me because i'll just kick them away! i miss having our perc outings when everyone can make it. it's so hard now, let alone next year when everyone flies away. percussion is no longer percussion. but our spirit lives! :) so we started talking about food, and our probable outing that's gonna come after her last lap ends. i want to make use of the time i gain to make up for all the loss. so let's declare one day to be a pig day and eat all we can! she just made my day. she made me so happy when she said she could turn up for tune in. she made me so happy when she said she'll go out with me after her papers. she made me so happy that even when she was laughing at me continuously, i just laughed with her too. in addition to my great dismay, everyone enjoys laughing at me. i'm certainly sure that i bring much joy to people due to my dumbness. out of point. again. essentially she said she'll go climb the spider web with me when she comes for tune in. i'm really looking forward to seeing her again. when everyone else decides to leave me, i'm all alone in this world. when i need someone to talk to, i never have them. Signed, 9:50 p.m.
today was pretty exciting. not like we were really excited about the exchange, but we were more into what we're gonna have for lunch! to my great dismay, my stomach started growling at nine am, which was only one hour after i reached school and the time when the exchange starts. exchanges just makes stomachs growl because mine wasn't the only one. this is so embarrassing. thought we were gonna get trashed today, but it turned out to be slightly less than a big disappointment. and i must say, the st pats perckies are so much more disciplined than those who are on the other side of the bridge :p so now, each of us kinda know the player who plays the same part. SO, they cannot push the whole gang to me anymore! and becca's the new link between us and the little big patricks! but soon enough, i'm sure she'll take over my role too! she has my heartfelt gratitude when she decides to take my current (difficult) position :D twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are. up above the sky so high like a diamond in the sky. there's a star above all our heads, which will look over us at all times, protecting us. but since it's so far away, it'll take a long time before it can reach us. out of point. practice ended on quite a high note because we didn't get trashed (at all) and basically i just laughed too much till i had tummyache. conclusion: did four hours of tummy exercise and less than one hour of wrist work. oh wait! i did like twenty mins of running and ten mins of arm exercise! thanks to the conductor score and that yellow cloth. and that ten mins is used to fan myself. ; 7.07pm suddenly, i feel like taking a step back to look at the world. perhaps a holiday outside singapore will do. it's time to step out of that comfort zone and bring yourself to see greater things. i wish i could read people's minds, so that i know when exactly to do what i'm supposed to do. i think the problem is, i care too much. it's probably time to stop thinking and carry on. don't think of leaving the world, because you know you'll never ever have the heart to do so. Signed, 3:19 p.m.
i hope i'm getting my vibes back again. i'm getting quite excited about the extended percussion outing that we're going to have! an outing that consists of more than thirty people! like the whole idea is so exciting, perhaps the only thing that's making me more interested in my life now. Signed, 10:43 p.m.
i've cleared my memories because i know no one likes to read about sad life. i pity myself for all that i've written because it only proves that i'm a pathetic soul. i promise myself, i will remember the happy times. :) Signed, 9:57 p.m.
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