i know liao loves me. i love liao tooooooooooo. though i see her very often in school these days, it's just so hard to catch up and crap cause everything is just so hectic and busy and i hate it.

my timetable was very screwed. really screwed. but fortunately, we've got this superb funky and taitai gp teacher. she goes for high tea and she's really taitai-ish. i aspire to be like her :) and she's like part time so she arranged our timetable in a very cool way, such that we end early on tuesdays now. woots! love her.

today had pe for first time this year. in pioneer, i never took pe cause i hatehatehate pe and today, i decided to be really nice and go for the first (and perhaps the last) pe lesson. and yes, it is gonna be the last. we ran like four rounds, like F-O-U-R. oh god. it just sucks la. it was just like primary school napfa lah! like how many eon years is that since i last took pri school napfa. spare me. but anyways, no more. yaye :)

i pray that life will be peaceful with noise and fun, with my class s27 around, with band, with everything la. and hopefully june hols would be packed packed packed but leave time for revision for common tests.

:)

it pays to have a tagboard after all. and people drop by to tag intentionally or unintentionally to have their presence felt. i love them :)


it's as though time is always not enough. the whole week of lectures were really hectic, like how lectures after another, not enough time for bonding, slacking and getting to know the people around. i guess it'll pay more if everyone is super sociable and clicks quickly.


friday; went back to scband. so many perckies went back too! huizhen me peace eunice. and for the second time i saw my new juniors. and nadiah! i hope she'll do well in dubai and not get blacker than now. hahaha and she said she'll be back in july/aug and go my concert. yaye. we're the greatest august babies! :) i'm really happy that i can still mix around with new juniors and not appear to be some really busybody or something. it just feels good to be back to somewhere where it's so familiar and close and to be my ownself.


it just feels different to be in a secondary school and a junior college.


school's gonna start really soon. and how many times can we say such sentence? now then i realised, i'm not the only one scared of being retained in j-one. it's like a consensus that everyone has and it's great to have people feeling the same way, sad to say. it's easy for people to say, nah not so easy to get retained. but it's simply really easy with two concerts coming up, not having physics background at all and having to cope with two subjects which i totally have no understanding of, i doubt it's gonna be easy. but i will get used to and adapt as quickly as possible. i think i will.


sajc band concert 2006. 6th may at sajc cultural centre. 6th aug at esplanade. please come! :)

you left me stranded, once again. i never felt so disappointed and crashed. does it always have to end in such a way? where is the attention that i really need when you weren't there at all?


i'm facing the great challenge. an illness i've never heard before.


now it doesn't matter if you really care anymore.


school has been really sian. i really went to school today despite having the week off :] and i'm supposed to eat loads of good food due to small red blood cells and stupid implications. and mom just bought like fourteen(?) magnum icecream. wooo mom rox. and that is good food i suppose. stay clear from iron and i need lots of protein. i do not know what're the implications or consequences and anything about it, but i guess when it's time, it's time.


if i have any regret left, perhaps it's only not perfecting my olevel score and not fulfiling all the wishes that i have. ok i'm demanding too much.


yuhsiu went back to pjc. perhaps she loved it there too much. i wanted too. but thinking that majority of my friends won't be there anymore makes me sad. like how returning back there won't be of any happiness. it seems like all of us are experiencing the harsh reality from the second intake. i know, everyone hates second intake people cause they ruined everything. separate united classes, split good friends and everyone just outcast them. i duno how life will continue to be like, but it doesn't seem to be very appealing. i dread project work, i dread going for boring lectures and nonsense tutorials. but what more can be actually done? if only anyone knows what the hell i'm talking about. if only anyone knows how everything's going on for me, for us, for every second intaker. ok maybe not every second intaker feels the same way. we do.

monday; school reopen. starched collar, stuffy air, hot uniform. woo. it was plain hot to be in the uniform. and xuan says i look older, but i say no. i look like some primary school kid trying to act as if i'm some jc student. ok don't have to act perhaps. went to school with hot forehead and whacking headache. woo i feel so sick. had introductory lectures the whole day and it was pure boring. ponned math gc lecture and chem makeup. pointless. then dragged two sweatshirts to town and met xuan to pass her hers. she was so auntie. and it wasn't very long since i last saw her, during class dinner. maybe it was her hair. BOOM. hahahahahaha. then we went to eat yakun. so yummy. and saw many random people, like guy wearing swimmming cap shopping around; guy that looks like half-half; girl who showed off her white mei tui; egg posters; short people. then went shopping so that we do not actually waste the effort of going to town. nighttime, went to doctor's. got two days mc to rest at home, and this mc is r.e.a.l. then slept through.


tuesday; stayed at home. supposed to have lectures till ten fourty-five and stay in school till twelve fourty-five. rested thoroughly under commands. and woo. didn't get well.


wednesday; woke up early to see another doc. got mc for the rest of the week. how cool. but no. im going to school tmr cause there's passport phototaking. hahaha. im so cheapo. but it's really cheap. like fourbucks for eight. WOO.


it starts today, i know. at seven fifteen. i couldn't join, it's my fault. if only i could get away from the guilt i'm having now. perhaps it just show that time doesn't explain all things. i have no doubts to clear, i don't doubt it. it was entirely my decision that caused all those to happen. hate me.

tuesday; ogseventeen outing. lovelovelove. ten people managed to gather together, out of twentyfour people. and they just rock my world. clarac clarat huiting gabriel zhaoperng likteck benedict christopher chula (plus me). wooooo. though this outing had like fewer people than the first one. it was a really really really successful one. supposed to meet up at ten thirty. but the latest person, clarat came at like eleven thirty. dongg. what's worse was, she's one of the organisers! anyways, i went late also, so she's spared. hahahahaha. and so we proceeded to sentosa with sushis, chips, drinks and people. played captainsball with stupid bouncy green smiley ball which cost five bucks. tried to play volleyball with it but obviously it didn't work. the forfeit is, loser team shall be dunked into the sea. thanks to gab la, suggest this forfeit and got our team dunked. AND HE DUNKED ME TOGETHER WITH LIKTECK. rarrrrr. i felt like a pig or something who committed adultery. and huiting caught me on a video. waaa. this is so memorable. and huiting didn't get dunked. she ran far far away and shes the only one who didn't get dunked. but it was fun la. they played hai-dai and hei-bai-pei in the middle of the sea. hahaha it was too much an entertainment. lalalala. then after everyone was tired of playing in the sea, the girls went suntanning without applying sunblock. and wooooots! we're burnt! haha okay maybe i'm the only one who's really badly burnt. but nevermind. peel banana, peel peel banana. HAHAHA. it just reminds me of that. had subway and boy, subway is really good. and they've got this super spaz promotion. it's like super spaz until it's damn funny. promo until twenty-first i think. toast your bread and you can upsize your meal for free. dongggg. anyways, claraaa, get well soon! :)


wednesday; went for first band prac. woo. eight girls in total. no guys at all to help us carry instruments. how screwed. i hope some guy comes along the way and joins us. peace was really helpful but i think she has to study (i hope she doesn't reads this). had to take over this j-two senior part for timps and crappp, it was tough. tuning between bars, perhaps worse than abrams. but abrams is fast and this piece is slow. but luckily i don't have to play it for concert. anyways, two concerts coming up. 6th may at sajc cultural centre. 6th aug at esplanade (!!!). erm. sixth aug i think is some sunday. i think it's really weird. but i'm not sure either. ohwells. come come!! :)


thursday; gathering. but only four turned up. worse. in the morning, only two went for bowling. then slowly another two came. it was quite sad. to be continued tomorrow...

it probably made that difference. though ultimately that wasn't where i wanted to be, but i still miss the class and og. though everyone's no longer there anymore, but i miss their crappiness and lamity. the very unbonded class, the orange orientation tee, the lame og. everything was just great as it was.


first two months make alot of difference. strangers get together, not knowing others and they make new friends and get close together. but now, it's like starting all over again. from scratch, from beginning.


there's no end, no destination. it's just procrastination.


if only there was something to guide me along. like this ray of light. there is no dream, no motivation, nothing.

it's been a while.


monday was finally first day of school. it was a matter of fact, to try to get use to the school and everything. and school ended really early. and i'm so glad for it.


tuesday was induction. fortunately, i had inside info from peace that induction, was horrible. and yaye, thanks to that, i didn't get muscle ache or anything.


wednesday, i went back. didn't attempt to try and jeopardize my days. it was much funner, with station games and getting wet on such hot days. and ogtwentysix concluded that, scholars can read people's minds. haha. the scholars og defeated my og thrice. rarrr.


thursday; more station games. more bonding. more winning. more everything. i think having fun was just the only thing that could take the mind off. to us, we're just winners. though we don't have the best cheer or anything, we've got good screamers like, glen and me. and good cheerers. we just win those nonsense things :D


and gabriel decided to leave. leave me stranded with the memory of the orange shirt. he went back to pj. he loves there. rarr.


for a moment, i wanted to go back to pj. like, yuhsiu. there wasn't something that urged us to stay. but it was settled. nothing more can be done to change. but i doubt my urge is as bad as hers. she wanted to go back to pjc like, really badly.


friday; assembly first block. so. so. so. so. random and what nots. it's like so redundant. but alright. i slept through the library talk and i remembered, i subconsiously could hear the teacher rambling. then was stupid chinese talk on some china trip. like, what's percentage of the students who are interested? everyone was looking forward more to class posting. and i'm in 06s27. (is it?) and im randomly spastically taking maths chem econs and h-one physics. how tough. i'm going have to learn two new subjects all at once. i hope i at least pass the first physics test.


it was pounding till five on friday. i was still waiting even till the last second of four. but it just didn't come. perhaps i wasn't that sad after all, at least i had scband's music to accompany me through. i was sad. i was tortured. i was just purely living in self denial. knowing my appeal wouldn't really be a success, but i still bore the hope and dream that i could squeeze myself in. sam's right, it doesn't matter where i end up in, it's alevels that is the ultimate goal.


i am satisfied and feel really blessed already. i've got a senior, who really wants me to stay (i know), but still encourage me to leave. i've got my friend, who wants to me to be there, but still supports me. i know they all care. i love them. and sweelin. haha special recognition. i thought physics was a going to be a torture, but she said my math is good, so i'll be just alright, though she doesn't take physics. love.


friday; hollaback crew competition. sc's the only one in under seventeen category to be in the semifinals. we rock the world. sc is the best. i love my juniors. i love tamago especially. depsite high fever, puffed eyes and what-nots, she still came. get well soon, dear :)


i'm t.i.r.e.d. zzz

random boring day was yesterday. it did occur to me that, it'd be a boring day with talks and lectures and what-nots. but it didn't occur to me that, we'll end such early as eleven fourty-five.


ogtwentysix. the og with twentysix peeps. how coincidental. many people, many faces. only one was familiar to me. haven't met the new ogls, that would be tmr's job. names, i cannot remember, and i do hope i will by this week.


humble wennan, dominated dominic, blur linus, clumsy shiyun, happy annsline(?), anything kangwei(?), cheerful joel, smth lauren, domineering pamela, crazy tiffany, useless louisa, funny geraldine, bubbly bernadette, fat nicholas, smth huiquan, talkative olivia, quiet sarah, sweat glenn, outgoing linze, shuai sam, deep dave, smth david.. oh no. i cannot remember the rest =X


i'm so screwed. like how i was in ogseventeen. and ogseventeen outing is on 14march06! at 1030 harbourfront. watch us bake under the hot steaming sun! :D


it's time to face reality.


went back to sc with jeanette yesterday. it wasn't a very pleasant trip back due to the stressed that overpowered our will. but regardless, we attempted, tried, and did all that we can. and up to acjc we went. second intake were having orientation, first intake were having lectures and lessons. the different programmes lined up, i thought, was kinda ostracizing the second intake. but neverminds, if i were there, i wouldn't mind.


sometimes it just takes a word to fill the hole. sometimes it just takes a minute to bury the hatchet. sometimes it just takes a moment to understand all that was happening.


i believe that whatever's planned for me, there must be a reason. i'm willing to accept. drop the hassle.


it wasn't that hard, i suppose, to spot people in the second intake, i suppose. saw wonder, nicole, wanyi and who others are there? and to great alert, jithra was an ogl! haha. it was hilarious to me when i watch her teach the dance. but she's a very enthu person i think, perhaps her og will begin to love ac. hahaha.


saw so many people. the feeling was just good. i'm lost for words.


the fiend side of peace wants me to stay. and eunice was hyped up when she saw me too. if only i could split myself.


i do not remember when was the last time we had memories. i do not remember when was the last time we had fun. i do not remember when was the last time we were not together. i do not want to remember at all.

i refuse to believe that school's starting again tmr. it saddens me to think that i'll have to leave my lifestyle now, to fit into something which i've lost touch, perhaps a week or two ago. i'll miss those days.


i'd wish that news doesn't travel that far and fast yet. i'm not ready for all that's happening now. i'd wish i have an extra set of braincells and nerves to help me cope through this. and i also wish, tomorrow i won't be soaked thoroughly. unfortunately for the rest, the blues prolly will not be walking around for their amusement purposes.


new beginning, new life. i know everyone's praying for me really hard. i'll be praying too, for what's best that's in for me.


i have my greatest friend, who worries for me, who prays for me though she doesn't, who understands what i've to go through, and who really deserves a really good friend. i feel honoured.


i think i've been blessed with lots of things. and perhaps, it's time to feel satisfied and not ask for more.


limited resources and unlimited wants.


:)

what are the main differences between men and women? according to bbc news, "Scientists decoding the human genome have discovered that just 78 genes separate men from women". so is this, then, good or bad? too many or too little?


thoughts make me think even more. do not make me think.


jasmine, as an advisor, impresses most people with her warmth, sympathy and understanding. she possesses, also, the potential to love everyone without expecting much in return. in fact, people will come to her because she is seen as a good listener.


i love my disc report. but i think i need people to listen more than they speak. what more to expect from the unexpected?


i will take things along my stride and report to school on time, at 7.30am. i promise i will.

i have so much to say. i have so much to question. but it falls back on what lies ahead of me.


i don't wanna have to answer anymore of those questions. i won't answer any of those anymore. so just please stop asking. if you're fated to have the answer, you'll get it.


the girl who feels like a criminal, who faces people like a criminal, who's being questioned like a criminal. why're there so many people out there who're more than often too concerned over just hi-bye friends? like, after months of not talking, not chatting online or anything, people come up to you and say, "how's results?", "how's postings?", "what school?".


i mean, i don't mind answering all but don't treat me like a criminal. i feel like it's a wrong state. everything is wrong. wrong wrong wrong. stop it.


i don't wana feel like a criminal. i don't wana live in anxiety. i don't want any more high hopes.


don't question everything about me anymore. just leave me alone, quiet for a while. one month. just give me one month.


thankyou abu, you meant alot. thankyou corn. thankyou jeanette, my fellow survivor. thankyou fourcourage for the turning up. thankyou for making me laugh the whole while.


the gathering took my mind off for quite some time.

i'm earning fifty bucks a day for tuition. and i work all day. is it worth it?


i suddenly forgotten all my primary school science stuff. like, matters take up space etc. rarrr. why am i supposed to teach a primaryfour kiddo?


though i seem to earn big cash, but i just spent like thirtybucks in just two hours. i'm such a spendthrift (is this the word?). and i failed my plans yesterday to bake some new award winning cookies. and i'm peeling burnt skin. i feel like a banana.


according to reliable news, top scorers for As seem to be from ac. that stresses me, i think. and jae postings, apparently, will be out at 8am on friday, when everyone's at school. thank goodness, i don't have to stay up till 12am just to check it out.


errors at moe jae site yesterday. posting results were already released yesterday morning and some people were so on about their postings, they checked it out, and tadaa. some got their results. but somehow, moe realised the error and immediately shut the system. so pityful people like me, do not get a chance to view the system. if only i went to visit every ten mins when i was online..


haii. i'm so tired just trying to transfer all my contacts from here to there and back. and peace said she didn't like the westlife one! haha. so amusing. i guessed it was just time to get over that phrase. i combined two addresses together. and yaye! i'm just so glad i did that. it was such a chore jumping from here and there.


met athena at hollandv earlier and she was in ac uniform! hahaha. so amusing. the shirt was like ahem and there's no way to tuck it in! gosh. but i think she looks alright, for her size. though her shirt was like oversized and that being the smallest size, would probably tell me how flabby i'll probably look if i were to be posted there. okay i think i'll probably go tailor make or something. rarrr. i'm quite sad actually. i like the sa tie alot. and it costs ten bucks. how ex. but i think pj's tie is like ten fifty. so sa's tie is more worth it, since alot of people like it alot too. lalala.


i'm dead bored. rarrr.

our foreman, moe, did not say what time our jae posting will be out. so what did this tell me? i should check the results at 12am for the first time. and check it again, when i wake up the morning, or perhaps, afternoon later.


i found out today that i'm not the only one doing the not-supposed thing earlier just now. pam has done it too! muacks! i love her. haha. and she went to pj today! and yaye! she had the same feeling that i've got. woohoo~


i got really inspired by the tvshow that im watching now. it's this hongkong drama serial and gosh, i love it to bits. it's called tian sun ye ye. and it's hillarious. :D and so, i'm super inspired to set up my cafe and sell my cakes and cookies and anything great. and i need my white mouse. heh.


okay then i got really mini over this korean show. jin san shun. and that guy is hot man. hyun bin hyun bin hyun bin hyun bin hyun bin. hahaha. he's hot with the fringe. okay crapp. i'm getting hua chi like xuan. no cannot.


fourcourage class dinner on friday 3rd march after jae posting alright people! time is night. place is marche orchard i s'ppose. who wants to go all the way to suntec? no one i s'ppose so it shall be orchard. and i guess i'll make the reservations.


something tells me i have to carry on pretending like nothing's happen and face reality as it smacks me on the face. something tells me that we're this and therefore no longer the same but perhaps it'd do good if we stick together. something tells me i have to do something to amend the mistake a made several months back before it's too late. something tells me i have to stop being childish and loud before i get myself into trouble (and this is the stats). and lastly, something tells me that being energetic and silly is doing me really good (and so, this is the proof).


i don't mind if anyone does my johari and nohari boards. but i do mind if no one does it :p please help me fulfil my unwanted desires.


i suddenly thought of limited resources and unlimited wants. and this is from the first lesson of econs way back many months. crapp. i suddenly realised how much i've lost touch on econs and i really hate it. rarrrrrrr.


i'm really into baking cakes and assorted stuff these days, though i haven't really get down to it. but the thought of baking just satisfies my desire for a cafe. and i really want my cafe.


i've set my goals. and i'm going to make use of my days as a extraordinary normal j-one student. and that is to take up courses and lessons to get myself some useful skills :D


and oh. i'm out of hollaback crew comp. i guess i'd be better off supporting my little perckies and perhaps sam as well instead of me being up there. i'll just screw big time.


i'm going to try baking a cake using rice cooker. heh :)